


Left Behind

by Inspirationpersonified



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, BAMF Obi-Wan Kenobi, Obi-Wan Kenobi Needs a Hug, Other Additional Tags to Be Added
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-10
Updated: 2021-03-15
Packaged: 2021-03-17 02:33:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,974
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29959626
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Inspirationpersonified/pseuds/Inspirationpersonified
Summary: Qui-Gon Jinn was adamant that he would take Anakin Skywalker as his Padawan.He said that the Force had sent him a vision and he would follow it's will.His choice was made because he knew what the future entailed.He was so sure of himself, of his connection with the Living Force, of the righteousness of his choice.But he didn't expect what the consequences might entail.The waves of that decision rippled through the entire universe.It changed the fabric of the future itself.Then Force weaved another fabric to shelter the one who was left behind.After all, it wasn't necessary that those who were left behind had to be forgotten.They could forge their own paths with tenacity and perseverance.
Comments: 4
Kudos: 105





	1. Chapter 1

All Obi-Wan Kenobi could feel was the dread pooling somewhere around his middle.

He couldn't help but think if the 'future is always in motion' school of thought that many Jedi who held a strong connection to the Living Force believed in was wrong.

His hopes and dreams were shattering all around him. 

He wondered if Master Mace Windu could also sense and see them as shatter points. 

Obi had been brought to the temple as a child.

He had grown up here, surrounded by people who were dearer to him than his blood relatives.

They were his family. 

But he had always felt like an outcast in the family.

The Misfit.

The one who was not in harmony with them.

The one who couldn't follow the code no matter how hard he tried.

The one who always failed expectations.

The one who was always left behind.

Why? 

Why was it that as an Initiate none of the Masters or visiting Knights had taken him on as a Padawan? 

Why did he have to listen to whispers and see the pointed fingers of his age mates as a youngling? 

Why was he sent to the Agri Corps when he could feel the Force around him so keenly? 

Why was it that the only reason his Master had accepted him as a Padawan was that he had stood between his master and someone who could have been an elder brother to him? 

Why was he left behind to fight a war along with other children? 

Why did his master leave him all alone on a planet that was ravaged by war so many years ago? 

Why was he put on probation when all he had wanted to do was help the helpless? 

Why was it that he was never good enough for his master?

Why had he never received a word of praise from master? 

All he had ever received was reprimands of not being good enough, of being lazy, of shirking his duty, of not working hard. 

Why was it that as soon as a nine-year-old child had arrived, he was being sidelined by his master? 

Had he been just a placeholder until the perfect Padawan had arrived?

Could it be that all his loyalty and devotion to Master couldn't compare to a smile from a child? 

All the years spent running from one dangerous situation into another couldn't garner his master's concern. 

Was it that the sum total of his hard work, perseverance and learning was less than one pod race that had fascinated his master? 

He had always known that his master didn't approve of him. 

Had always felt that he would be left behind by everyone. 

After all, his parents hadn't wanted him in the first place.

So, how could someone else want the child that had been thrown away like yesterday's trash by the people who had given birth to him?

Therefore, was it his fate to be discarded by his master as well? 

If the future was always in motion then did it mean that all his hard work had been for nothing?

If he couldn't change the one thing that he had always feared then what good was he? 

Or was it the other way around? 

If destiny wasn't written in the stars and pre-ordained then did it mean he wasn't good enough to change the outcome he had always feared? 

Which was it? 

Was he always destined to be discarded or was it that he wasn't good enough to turn his life on to a brighter path? 

As Obi-Wan Kenobi stood before the Jedi High Council, he watched with bated breath as his master spoke with passion. 

But the passion wasn't for him.

No.

It was for the person who would replace his position.

It was for Anakin Skywalker. 

His master spoke with his usual eloquence about the force currents, about the future, about fate and about how he wanted to accept Anakin Skywalker as his Padawan.

All the while, nobody asked Obi-Wan Kenobi anything.

Not about his thoughts.

Not about his feelings.

Not about his hopes and dreams.

He was left standing adrift and floundering in the world.

Would the Force help him? 

Would the Force stand by and watch as another atrocity was committed against it's child? 

Would the Force be with him?


	2. Chapter 2

Mace Windu felt his irritation rise as he heard the rousing speech made by his fellow Jedi Qui-Gon Jinn. 

The said person was a good diplomat, a fair hand at fighting, a Jedi who had a strong connection to the Living Force.

But all those factors didn't negate the fact that Qui-Gon Jinn made for a poor master. 

His first Padawan had run away to the Outer Rim territories in a bid to be away from his stifling presence.

His second Padawan had fallen to the Dark and had caused chaos and havoc in a bid for power and prestige. 

At that time, Qui-Gon Jinn had emotionally and vehemently announced in these very chambers that he would never take on a padawan again. 

Then year's later he had taken on a third Padawan.

The less said about his treatment of his third padawan, the better.

Mace had never asked Master Yoda what fumes he had smoked to orchestrate the entire kriffed up situation where his grand-padawan bonded as a Master to Obi-Wan Kenobi. 

Still, everyone on the council deferred to Master Yoda and Mace hadn't felt the need to interfere in another's lineage matters.

But he had always felt a bad feeling about it.

It seemed now was the time for everything to go up in smoke.

His headache kept on increasing the more that idiot voiced his thoughts.

He could feel so many shatter points in his field of vision that everything else felt like a mosaic. 

All of them were Jedi and hence were always asked to stay away from attachment. 

Attachment always led to the Darkside.

However, Mace had realised long ago that all Masters played favourites even between their Padawans and the less said about outsiders, the better. 

Yoda preferred spending time in the creche because he could feel the simple joys and sorrows of the children who hadn't been tainted by the world and its complexities.

The Battlemaster always gravitated towards those who intuitively picked up the various forms and were less prone to take reckless actions. 

The Keeper of Archives liked the Initiates or Knights who respected peacefulness and the knowledge the Archives recorded. 

Mace had never been impressed by such superflous favourable impressions that changed in the blink of an eye. But he didn't begrudge others as long as they kept their thoughts to themselves and weren't blatant in their favouritism.

After all, they were Jedi and not machines without any emotions.

Still, for Qui-Gon Jinn to have such callous disregard for his third Padawan not only in front of the entire High Council but also the child was cruel. 

He couldn't help but reflect upon many things while he absentmindedly listened to Jinn. 

After all, he knew that the man had already made his decision and nobody would be able to change it.

So, listening to his drivel was pointless. 

Why couldn't Jinn see that he was making a fool of himself? 

Even if he gained permission to keep young Skywalker in the Temple, it wasn't assured that Skywalker was suited for the Jedi path or even if it was the best option to teach the child. 

More importantly, if all these obstacles were also removed from his path, Mace could feel that Jinn's position in front of the High Council would take a heavy hit.

When Jinn's decisions would be brought to doubt, he wouldn't be able to easily oppose the Council on other matters and his opinions wouldn't be taken into account on other things.

After all, if Jinn was so adamant to keep and teach Skywalker, he would have to give up other things. 

Already he wouldn't be able to go on long missions because he had fallen into the trap laid by the Sith and hadn't even been able to defeat him.

No, he had to be saved by his Padawan whom he was so ready to throw away.

He truly pitied Obi-Wan to have apprenticed under such a Master. 

His apprenticeship has been harder than others. 

Obi-Wan didn't have the flair of drama that many others had at his age.

But that could also be the reason because he had not once but twice left the Order and had been under probation for much of his apprenticeship. 

On the other hand, he had cultivated his patience and was far from the frantic, angry boy Mace had observed as Obi-Wan's thirteenth birthday had approached.

Mace knew how the young Padawan had jumped from one danger into another with a simple leap of faith, always following and looking at his master's back. 

Qui-Gon Jinn had always expected complete obedience and excellence from his student.

Yet, he had never once supported the child or even looked back at him, content in the knowledge that the child would follow him relentlessly. 

Mace realised with a jolt that he resented Qui-Gon Jinn at that moment. 

Jedi shouldn't feel resentment.

They shouldn't feel any negative emotions.

Still, Mace knew what he felt in that moment and he slowly so as to not bring attention to himself, released those emotions into the Force.

Meanwhile, Master Yoda, the Grand Master of the entire Jedi Order looked at his grand padawan in disappointment.

How had everything derailed so easily?

When he had encouraged Qui-Gon Jinn to take Obi-Wan as his Padawan, he had felt so much hope and the Force had shined in its brilliance. 

He had noticed the rift between the two in the past few years but he had felt that it wasn't his right to stick his nose in that relation. 

Well, it had surely come to bite him in his behind. 

Qui-Gon Jinn was acting like a lovesick puppy for the nine-year-old boy he had brought with him. 

Even a simple inquiry about the child raised his hackles. 

It's as if the man knows no one else except the new shiny toy he has brought back.

He didn't even address the young boy by his last name.

No, his lips formed a litany of Anakin, Anakin while his Padawan hunched behind his back. 

Yoda wouldn't say this to anyone else but if he heard one more word about the high midi-chlorian numbers of young Skywalker, he'll simply kill himself to spare his ears.

He wanted to send Qui-Gon Jinn to the mind healers to see if he hadn't lost his head on his way back to the Temple. 

If it was anyone else speaking in the same way as Qui-Gon Jinn, Yoda would have scanned them for excessive attachment to young Skywalker. 

The behaviour was embarrassing and unseemly.

Where was this adoration and pride when it comes to Obi-Wan? 

Yoda hasn't raised his hands at any of the Jedi in his entire life but by the Force, he felt like getting up and slapping his grand padawan until he comes back to his senses but he knows it's a lost cause. 

It is entirely unfair to Obi-Wan. 

It's time to end this farce before Obi-Wan believes that all of them are unfeeling, stoic Jedi.

He motions to Mace Windu to end the meeting.

"Enough, Qui-Gon Jinn. The Council has heard your words. We will need time to deliberate and think about the issues you have put forth. You may leave the chambers."


	3. Chapter 3

It had been a week since the matter of Anakin's studies of the Jedi Arts had been brought to the Council, but no further word had been passed on to Jinn. 

This left him feeling bereft so he thought it was time to tackle the problem from another angle. 

He called Kenobi to one of the gardens in the Temple and talked to him. 

This wasn't the time to dither or exchange pleasantries. Therefore, Jinn didn't beat about the bush and starter without preamble.

"Kenobi, you need to go and ask the council to expedite the process of your Trials. After all, it wouldn't do to keep on wasting time like this when it can be spent on better pursuits." 

"Please, Master. Please, don't discard me. If you are not happy with me, I will change. Just give me a chance, Master. I wouldn't dare disappoint you. Please, just don't leave me." 

Obi-Wan Kenobi could feel his breath hitching as he implored his Master, Qui-Gon Jinn once again. 

Oh! Force.

Why did things always go from bad to worse for him? 

Couldn't life be simpler? 

His Master had picked up a nine-year-old boy in a desert, on a wasteland and had decided to take him on as a Padawan.

Master wasn't even willing to wait a few years to let him complete his training.

No, he was anxious to teach that boy and for that to happen, Obi-Wan Kenobi had to give up his place by his master's side. 

A master could only have one apprentice at any given time while the apprentice was under his tutelage. 

So, if that child had to be prepared for his preordained destiny, Obi-Wan Kenobi had to be hurled out of his position. 

Had he already completed his training or been ready to take his Trials, Obi-Wan wouldn't have minded another lineage brother. 

But he wasn't prepared to leave the shade of his master and wasn't ready for the trails. 

It shook him to the core that it hadn't been a tough choice for his Master to choose between someone who had spent years by his side and a child whom he hadn't known for more than a fortnight. 

"Obi-Wan, listen to me. You are ready for your trials. You will do well in them and if you are still not sure, you can go out on missions with other Knights or Masters to gain experience." 

"But…" 

"No. Your name wouldn't be removed from the mission rotation simply because I am not teaching you. You can gain many things by going out there without a crutch to lean on." 

Obi-Wan lowered his head as his Master kept on denying his place by his side implicitly and explicitly. 

He could feel his nose turning sour and his eyes brimming with unshed tears.

More importantly, he could feel how his master had shored up his shields in his mind and was in the process of breaking the bond. 

This had begun as soon as that child had given a smile to Master after winning a godforsaken Pod Race. 

Obi-Wan couldn't even bring himself to hate the child.

After all, it wasn't the child's fault that he shone so brightly in the Force or that his easy, carefree laugh could enchant anyone.

Even a Jedi. 

Maybe he was the 'Chosen One' who would bring balance to the Force and the world at large.

And who was Obi-Wan to deny another a chance at happiness and greatness? 

If it was already written in the stars, then his pleading couldn't and wouldn't change anything.

But he could admit to himself that he felt bitter. 

How long had it been since he had smiled in the same carefree manner?

Maybe when he was a youngling in the creche. 

He had seen the ugly side of the galaxy long before this.

He had seen what greed could do to others when children had to pick up weapons to stop a senseless war. 

He had seen the absolute rigidity when he had been shipped off to Agri Corps when he had passed his thirteenth birthday and no Master had chosen him as an apprentice. 

He had seen apathy when his Master had left him behind on a war-torn planet to save another Jedi.

But he had consoled himself that maybe Master had done that due to the constraints of time.

After all, if Master Tahl hadn't been brought back on time, her life could have been lost.

He had made peace with his choice back then and all choices had consequences. 

So, he had shouldered the consequences on his too-thin shoulders.

But he had never thought that he was so replaceable in Master's eyes.

He had never thought that the carpet could be taken out from under his feet without a warning. 

He felt unmoored. 

It was as if a strong wind would blow him away.

And thinking about it, what was the point of chaining himself to someone who didn't want him.

It would be reprehensible and unsavoury on his part. 

So, let the wind and the currents take him away and land where they might. 

Obi-Wan was tired. 

Tired of trying. 

After all, it was an unspoken rule that an apprentice always followed his master's orders, without a question, without a doubt.

So, if this was what his Master wanted, he would gladly cut off the training bond and let his Master be rid of his presence.

He wouldn't stay to be a nuisance. 

It was only that it would hurt him on a visceral level and he didn't know if he would be able to piece back his broken heart.

He recalled that he had surmounted far greater odds in his life and wouldn't allow his Master's rejection change that. 

"This Padawan obeys your order, Master." 

Qui-Gon Jinn felt a thrill of anticipation as his third apprentice finally understood that he was ready to take the Trials. 

After all, it was fate that had led him to Skywalker and it was the Living Force that allowed him to feel that his decision to take Skywalker under his wing was the right decision. 

He had felt uncertain for a moment back then when he had first decided to let Padawan Kenobi take his Trials.

But then the Living Force couldn't be wrong.

He was glad that Kenobi had let go of his fear and decided to forge his path.

He would bless the child and hope for the best in his future.

But now their paths had diverged and he had had to put all his focus and attention on Skywalker.

Hence it was with satisfaction that he drew himself to his full height and gave a regal nod.

"Yes. You will go a long way, Kenobi. You have a great future ahead. Don't let your insecurities hinder you on your path to greatness." 

Obi-Wan still kept his head lowered and closed his eyes as his Master's words fell. 

He gave a bitter smile as those words registered. 

They felt like a death knell.

"Get up and get cleaned. You can go to the High Council and inform them of your decision." 

Finished with his words, Qui-Gon Jinn patted Kenobi's shoulder and left without a single glance back. 

Meanwhile, his third Padawan watched him leave with bleak eyes. 

Had anyone paid attention to those eyes at that moment, they would have realised the broken fragments of Obi-Wan's trust and willingness to follow the Order. 

What did it say about him that his Master hadn't even called him Padawan Kenobi or used his first name since coming back to the Temple?

He was ordered to move on but he wasn't even given the dignity to be called by his designation or his name.

At that moment, Obi-Wan realised with stark clarity that if he was force-sensitive, then he had to follow the will of the Force.

He had to follow the tenants of the Force.

He didn't have to listen to the members of the Jedi Council or obey the Jedi Code. 

After all, The Order was tethered to another's authority and shifted and swayed according to the wills of the Senate members and the Jedi themselves.

No, he wouldn't be beholden to such an order. 

The only one who could chain him, make him obey a command and order him was the Force.

Only the Force.

Because that was the only thing that had been with him since his birth.

It was the only thing that had shared and taken part in all his joys, his sorrows, his accomplishments and his losses. 

It was the only thing that wouldn't leave him ever.

It would even embrace him in death.

So, it would be the only thing Obi-Wan Kenobi would follow.

"If you don't leave me for a lifetime, I wouldn't think about neglecting you either, Force."


	4. Chapter 4

There was no clear destination in Obi-Wan's mind as he stepped outside the Jedi Temple. 

He looked around himself and started walking in a random direction.

Actually, the direction wasn't random. 

The particular road he was walking upon led to the only place that had any greenery left on Coruscant. 

It was widely believed that the grove of plants that were scattered around the place had been planted by wandering monks who had believed not in the Force but a higher entity. 

Gods. 

The ones who mandated who would rule the various kingdoms and empires that littered the entire galaxy before 'Democracy' was even a concept. 

Obi-Wan didn't know why he walked towards that place but it was as if something was calling him to go to those trees. 

It was as if a bell or something similar tolled in tandem with his heartbeat and the Force also resonated to form a symphony of peace and tranquillity. 

Once he reached the grove of trees, he stopped outside of their reach and looked around. 

This place had been neglected for decades now.

Not many Core Words believed in Gods, thus the place had fallen to neglect and oversight.

It didn't have the manufactured beauty of the manicured gardens of royalty.

It didn't have the cheerfulness of loving care provided by everyday citizens.

It didn't even have the Force presence of an Agri Corp member.

Still, all the neglect didn't distract from the grandeur of the place. 

Even with overgrown greens best left unnamed, this place held something precious that lacked in other places. 

It had an otherworldliness to it that was poignant but it was also as if it was bathed in the Force.

Not the Unifying Force or the Living Force.

Not even the Light or the Dark Side of the Force.

No, it reverberated with the presence of Force in its entirety. 

Obi-Wan took a shuddering breath, stepped inside the circle made by the trees and suddenly knelt as if his legs had given up on him.

He landed with a loud thud and felt a sob making its way out of his vocal cords and let it. 

He had held onto his emotions for so long that having a place to vent his emotions seemed like a sanctuary. 

The last time he had been here was before he had been shipped off to Bandomeer to join the Agri Corps. 

As soon as he had received the notice all those years ago, he had come to this place to rage at his fate and the unfairness of the world.

He hadn't been here since then, though he had come to Coruscant innumerable times in all the years that followed. 

His head felt clouded with all the memories of his apprenticeship and he tried to block the onslaught but to no avail. 

He rubbed at his eyes but the tears kept falling without fail.

It was as if a dam had finally broken and the gushing water couldn't be stopped. 

He tried to identify all the emotions churning inside him and release them to the Force.

Loss, grief, loneliness.

Those were the prominent ones.

Indignation at his circumstances, bewilderment, resignation and hopelessness. 

Those swirled underneath but deadly in their strikes against his mental shields and heart. 

He cursed his stupidity and naivety once again.

Why hadn't he accepted the decision of the Council to send him to the Agri Corps with grace all those years ago? 

Why had he tried to become a Padawan when he had been rejected time and time again? 

Had he thought that anything achieved with less than honest intentions would last? 

This was his punishment for making a training bond with Master when the other had been under duress. 

He shook his head as if to dislodge the negative thoughts. 

Negativity wouldn't help him wade the future. 

He sighed morosely and looked at the trees as if they held the answers to all his doubts and questions. 

His Master was pushing him to become a Knight.

Obi-Wan knew that if he passed the Trials, he would be given a new room in the compound of the Temple and would be sent on easy missions for a year.

Then the difficulty of missions would increase as he spent more time in the field.

But the Council might also send him into the thick of things straight away because he had spent years learning by Master's side in high-stakes negotiations and that too in extremely hostile territories. 

That was one path laid before him that diverged into two smaller ones. 

As a child, he had been informed that his parents had given him away. 

He had no knowledge of his family or even what planet he was born upon.

So, he could leave the Order and try to find his family and know about his past. 

That was another path. 

Or he could pass his Trials and then leave the Order to go and help wherever the Force lead him. 

That was the third path. 

Obi-Wan didn't have the heart to stay in the Order.

Too much had happened and he didn't think staying there would be good for him. 

He was loath to stay and watch from the sidelines as he was marginalised.

There had been no preparation for his Trials so the truth of what Master had said in the Council Chambers would be known to all in no time.

Even if nobody confirmed anything, Masters and Initiates alike would speculate. 

No matter what other people said, petty jealousy was rampant in the Order and Obi-Wan didn't want a repeat of his formative years. 

He had learned that words could not only change the outcome of immediate wars but also cut deeply on a personal level. 

He knew himself well enough to know that he wanted a break from all of that. 

At least for a few years if he wanted to retain his sanity. 

He needed time for himself.

He needed to heal from an abruptly broken bond and the inherent betrayal that had taken place even if nobody seemed ready to acknowledge it. 

He wasn't fit for active duty and a newly knighted Jedi wouldn't have the luxury to take care of his mental health. 

He could understand Master's need to train the Chosen One but it didn't mean that the reasons lessened his hurt.

So, staying as a member of the Jedi Order was out of the option. 

If option one was discarded, that left option number two and three. 

He could pass his Trials and then try to help in his way if he left the Order as an annotated Knight.

But that still held the chain of being associated with the Order.

As long as he was Knighted, all his deeds and actions would reflect on the Order and vice-versa. 

For example, his grandmaster Dooku. 

Count Dooku had left the Order to take his family seat.

Now, he was a senator of renown.

Dooku had removed the Jedi robes and was a consummate politician.

But politicians and citizens alike attributed all his political machinations as being a member of the Jedi Order. 

The good and the bad. 

Similarly, the Jedi who had fallen to the Darkness were always associated with the Jedi Order. 

It was always pointed as the Order's fault if one of their Knights or Masters fell to the lure of the Dark. 

That was why every few centuries, anti-Jedi sentiments would rise among citizens. 

So, the third option was also a dead-end in the long run. 

That only left option number two. 

Obi-Wan thought about it again.

Yes, it would be feasible and better for everyone involved. 

Yes, his past was akin to a blank slate.

He could try and fill in the blanks.

He could get to know about his origins and see if his family had a place for him.

If they did, he could learn to love them and see where the Force lead him from there.

If they didn't want him in their lives, he would still learn something of his past and then decide his next course of action. 

Yes, that was the best option.

The Force and the tolling of the bell thrummed at his decision. 

The Force felt approving and the tolling of the bell became deeper. 

Obi-Wan knew he had the approval of the Force and the monks who had planted these trees. 

He felt comforted and cocooned in a safety net.

It felt like the embrace of a loved one even though he had never had a loved one all his life.

Maybe, that would also change in the near future. 

Yes.

Why should he think negatively? 

Maybe, it was a time that his life also held joy, love and happiness.

Yes, Obi-Wan gave a small smile at the thought of his family welcoming him back with open arms. 

The smile that graced Obi-Wan's face was small but not less luminous in its brightness.

It was time to leave the family that had never felt like family behind and try to find his blood relatives. 

Obi-Wan bowed to the grooves and stood up from his place.

His tears had stopped while he had been lost in his thoughts but he didn't feel the shame of letting his tears out.

He bowed once again, made a sharp turn and left the way he had entered.


End file.
